THIS IS A SMALL PART OF MY DAUGHTER’S STORY ABOUT THE LOSS OF HER CHILDREN TO HER ABUSERS WHO HAVE HISTORIES OF DRUG USE AND ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS… We have tried every way to legally get them back with her where they belong, but the “justice” system is so corrupt and out-of-order that we have exhausted ALL available resources trying to fight corruption and injustice to BRING HER BABIES HOME…

“Every day of my most recent life, I’ve wondered what it would be like to see my children grow up. They are, and have been my life, since the day they were born. I wonder what I can do, or what I could have done, to change the course of my life and the day my babies were taken from it. What I have began to realize, and have been aware of for some time, is that the system our country gives us to solve the custody issues which exist, is solely based on who has the most money to fight it out in court. And fight is the only word which can describe the actuality of the uphill battle it has been, and is, on a daily basis, to have the children I brought into this world in my life at all.

I have been strong. I have been weak. I have cried, and I have been angry. But the most overwhelming feeling of all is helplessness. Everything I had thought about my life before, was now just a distant dream. The birthday parties, the school events, the coughs and sniffles, the bed-time stories and kisses goodnight, they are all something most mothers might take for granted. But for me, it is all I think about, the only thing that keeps my head above water in this ocean of documents, testimony, and deception, which has been my recent life. The reality of a custody battle brought on by the men who feel it necessary to get back at me, using my children, for what ever it was they felt I did to hurt them in the relationships we once shared.

I’ve never been anything but human. And like most people, I’ve lived and learned and continue to do so. I have made many mistakes in life, and do not profess to be perfect, but I do not believe that anything I have ever done in my life, is deserving of what has been done to me and my children over the past four years. And at this point, I feel lost. How do I get them back without the money to keep an ongoing court process paid for? How do I continue to move on financially after selling my car, losing my job, my drivers license and depleting the savings of both myself and my family to do so? Am I destined to live alone without my children while their childhoods pass by? Are they never going to have their mommy in their lives because I don’t have enough money to keep fighting?

Will they ever forgive me?

After suffering in an abusive relationship and watching my children suffer as well, I left. I got out of the state and moved to be closer to my family. The children were happy to be free of the stressful daily life of arguments and aggression. I felt I was doing the right thing, the best thing for them, by leaving. And for a wonderful year, it was. Until I made the life changing mistake of believing their father had changed, and out of love for the kids, knowing they were missing the other part of their family, I let their dad buy us round trip plane tickets to go visit. I re-live that mistake every moment of every day in my mind, wondering why I felt compassion towards a man who had done the things he has done, wondering if only I had not felt that compassion, would I still have my beautiful boys in my life?

The plane landed in Dallas, for a brief layover, and while sitting in the plane on the runway the boys’ father called. He began telling me how happy he was that we were coming, and about the plans he had to take the children and myself out to dinner, and then to see his family. He spoke to my oldest son, who was almost 5 yrs old at the time, telling him he was so happy he was going to see him. I will never forget the words my son spoke next, he said “ Daddy, you’re not going to take mommy away from us are you?” There was a chill that moved through my veins, and at that moment I began to wonder if I had been naive for believing a man who I knew to be devious, manipulative, and in my own mind, remorselessly evil, throughout our relationship. The plane took off again, heading for our final destination. And when we landed and I de-boarded the plane with the kids, I knew that feeling to be correct. The police were waiting at the gate.

I pulled my baseball cap down over my face and grabbed the kids. Not knowing what to do, I went into the ladies-room further down the terminal inside the airport. We crowded into the handicap stall. I called my mom, hysterically pleading for her to do something because I knew at that point that my children were in grave danger. I was so afraid, and the kids knew something was wrong. I did my best to convince them it was going to be ok, but I knew, my oldest son knew, he had been correct. And his little brother, who had only turned 2-yrs old the month before, had no idea what was going on. Neither of the boys had ever been without me, and I had never been separated from them for very long. There was a booming knock on the stall door. It was a police officer, directing me to come out with the kids. My oldest was so upset he tried to hide behind the toilet, thinking he would not be seen. The officer told me to come out, with the kids, or he was going to kick in the stall door. I knew the kids were already traumatized, and I knew they would kick the door in if I didn’t come out, wanting to make it as easy as possible on the boys I did as I was told.

Without so much as letting me kiss them goodbye, or tell them it would be ok, several officers immediately took my baby out of my arms and my oldest son by the hand, and escorted them out of the restroom. I was handed a stack of legal papers, told I was to have no contact with my kids or their father, and was left to absorb the shock of my life sobbing on the floor of the airport ladies-room.

I stayed in Texas for months trying to go through the process of everything involved, to have the custody of my children returned. While I was there, the local battered woman’s shelter where the children and I stayed before leaving, let me stay there and tried to help me with an attorney for the upcoming court date a week later. He had filed for divorce, even though we were never married, and was seeking sole custody of the boys. I filed papers from Florida proving that the children were Florida residents now and the the UCCJEA mandated any custody hearings be handled there, but the judge ignored my pleadings, just like he ignored the fact that the children’s father and I were never married.

I was shocked in court when the judge ruled in his favor after hearing my testimony of abuse and drugs in our home during the time we were living together. Even more shocking, without any proof other than the words of two convicted felons, the judge decided I was a drug addict and I was the one who didn’t deserve the children. I had never been arrested for drugs, or failed any of the many drug tests that I voluntarily took to prove my innocence. The boys father had his drug dealer, and drug buddy testify and without anyone there on my behalf, I assume the judge truly believed their testimony.

And as controversial as it may sound, (I don’t care because this is the truth of my life) I was told by the boys’ father’s ex-wife that his family paid to have the judge rule in his favor.

I know nothing of the politics of attorneys and judges and people of wealth and stature, except what I have learned in the past few years. Being that, my ex’s father (my sons grandfather) had worked in Midland TX for one of the biggest oil company in existence, and their family had a substantial amount of money as well as tremendous influence, I believe the ex-wife was telling the truth regardless of her involvement in the present case (and yes, there is a present case), you are welcome to come to your own conclusion.

I have come to believe that money buys power in this day in age, and let’s be honest, most days throughout history.

And to not leave out this important fact. This same woman, the ex-wife, not only lost her young child to the same man in a Midland, TX court, but lost her child to this man in the same Midland, TX court with him using the same drug addict accusations, and the same moral-less, high powered, very

expensive attorney that he used to take my boys from me. And some people would say that means nothing, but I believe it is just another unmentioned coincidence in this so called fair system set with the pretense to protect the children and their best interest.

I have never been one to think the right thing is to keep the father from the child. I believe, under the circumstances, I tried to be more than fair, and work out something normal for all involved. I wanted to bury the hatchet, so to speak, even though the boys father had not been the ideal father and partner in life, I wanted to do something to bring a more normal life to the children and all of their family on both sides. I truly wanted the trip to Texas to end with some kind of normal resolution, but that did not happen and despite the fact that the children and I had lived in Florida for almost 11months, the Texas courts decided they had jurisdiction in the case and did not even allow me to have a hearing where I could present evidence otherwise.

While I stayed in Texas in order to see my children, I was ordered by the court to attend a supervised visitation at an agency, set up by the Texas courts for people going through divorce, called Kids First. At this facility there were video cameras, set up in the doorways of small play rooms, operated by very young people, sometimes who I don’t believe were even over the age of 21. In my opinion, not by someone with experience or expertise in custody or child psychology, but rather perhaps by a more affordable solution to the company’s employment strategy. People who were willing to fill out a check list, identifying what was going on, but who had no real experience or education in the actual field of children or divorce. The center was run by a woman, who I will not name.

(Because I am not naming anyone here, yet.) She “observed” me playing with my children, twice a week for two hours. Her “expert” analysis was to tell the court I should have 6 more months, at this facility (where you must PAY to see your children) (after all it was a “business”) because, I was too “emotional.” That was her recommendation. Make me pay more money, for another six months, to see my children, because I was EMOTIONAL.

Personally, in my “expert” opinion….if I wasn’t emotional after having my children taken from me and being allowed only to see them in this environment, for only a few hours a week…I WOULD SAY I HAD A PROBLEM IF I WASN’T EMOTIONAL, NOT BECAUSE I WAS!!!

And on top of everything going on, while I was driving 5 hours each way, from Austin, to Midland to see my kids at a visitation center twice a week, sleeping in my car at nights. I was pregnant with my daughter, because while living in Florida, I had met a man I thought hung the moon, and after arriving in Texas in August of 2008, I found out I was pregnant with his child. I went through this whole amount of time, almost 6 months, pregnant and trying not to be “emotional.”

Eventually the visits stopped because the boys father wanted me to come to his home. He was tired of going through the visitation center, and said he wanted me to be at his home with him, where I “belonged.” I was happy to be in a place where the kids could actually play and be comfortable, even if it was his home which I had never lived in or been to. (The 200,000 dollar house, his grandmother had payed the down payment on, and his parents paid the mortgage while he lived without working. It was across the street from my sons school, and in a very exclusive neighborhood.) It didn’t last long. The boys father had not changed his drug habits, or abusive pattern, and we had several arguments. So, as much as I didn’t want to leave the boys, I came back to Florida knowing my pregnancy was being jeopardized by the stress and exhaustion of the last half year. Promising the kids I would come back, I returned home, to Florida, and had to leave them there with their “father.”

While back in Florida, I used my income tax return from the prior year to rent a nice 3bedroom house on the lake, so when the kids came home they would have a real home to return to. I lived there until my daughter was born. She was born April 8, 2009. When she was only two weeks old I began working again. My mom stayed with me to babysit and be with her granddaughter that she loves spending every available moment with us. During this time, my daughter’s father had not even tried to see her on a regular basis. He had come over once, drunk, when she was three weeks old. And that was the last time I saw him, until she was 6months old and I had begun working a second job and was planning on filing child support. I was working very hard, and had recently toured a local school that I wanted to attend the following semester. I was, unfortunately for myself, still in love with my daughter’s father and wanted very much to have some kind of normal relationship with him, and wanted him to be involved in my daughters life. One night we went out to dinner to discuss our daughter and the child support I was asking for. He took me out, kissed me, held my hand, and filled my head with thoughts of him being a good father and wanting to be involved in our lives.

While out to dinner this night his phone rang. He said it was important and he had to leave right away. I stayed at the restaurant and finished and paid for my dinner. Shortly after I went to the local Walmart to buy formula and diapers, and when I arrived there I saw my daughters father there with another woman. I had been listening to his words, and now knew they were all lies. I did say a few words to him and was asked to leave Walmart, which I did, without any one having to ask twice.

This confrontation in Walmart gave him the ammunition he needed to “legally” kidnap my daughter only two months later. I had unintentionally dropped the injunction I had placed on him, and he devised a plan to manipulate the law and filed one on me. Soon I heard the knocking on the door, and was served papers with a court date for temporary injunction violation. My daughter’s father had told the Sheriffs Department that “I called him from an unavailable number and threatened to take my daughter out of the state.” It was a total untruth, and thus allowed him to have a second violation served on me for supposedly going to his door and knocking, but if it were true, why didn’t he call the police at the time. Unfortunately for me, no PROOF was needed, the law was clear, I was to go straight to jail and not pass go. And in court, a judge who has a reputation for prejudice and judgment without checking the facts, took one look at me in my jailhouse blues and decided without any evidence that I must be lying. He then gave this man, who is my daughters father, temporary custody of my then 8-month old daughter. His past prison record for drug trafficking and previous charges against him for battery were never brought up, and I was not represented by an attorney at this time, so in the judges words it ”was a civil suit, and I was not entitled to legal representation.” I later learned that I could have asked for a continuance but was not told so. Although when asked if there was anything I wanted to say before we began, I did ask this judge for an attorney to represent me.

After pleading “not guilty, not guilty, not guilty…” I spent over fifty days in the county jail, until I finally took the states offer of probation and was told by my attorney I needed to do what was necessary to get out of jail and begin the process of getting my daughter back.

Two hours a week, of supervised visitation with my then 10-month old daughter was all I was allowed. I was now not only without my precious boys, but have lost my daughter as well. This man, my daughters father, the one the judge awarded temporary custody of my eight month old daughter to, was an abusive convicted drug dealer. And would you believe that over the time all this was going on, both men, fathers of my children, were on friendly speaking terms from two different states, communicating with each other to keep my children away from me in any way they could. What did I ever do to these men? I left them. And I didn’t come back to Florida to be with my daughters father when he told me one day over the phone, to “come back home and be with him, and forget about my boys.” I could never do that, I loved all of my children, and wanted them all to be home with me.

Here it is almost four years later. The children are now 2 ½, 5, and almost 9 years of age. I have not been able to work, drive, think, eat, sleep, or go more than a few hours without breaking down in tears, wondering what I could have done, or what I can possibly do, to keep this process going. I have no money. I don’t know how much longer I will have an attorney. And I have now lost custody of my boys to their abusive father in Texas because I could not afford to fly there and hire another attorney in that state, I did however, write the judge in Texas a letter. I pleaded for the court to please give me more time to come up with the money to travel and hire an attorney. The letter went unanswered, and so were my prayers. The boys’ father was awarded full custody, even though he pled guilty to drug trafficking to stay out of prison, and I have no rights to them…how can this be?

In the middle of all this, the boys father is being, has been, indited by the federal government for drug trafficking. I have only the knowledge of what I know he was doing, and what the DEA told me in the beginning. I was the one who went to them and told them what he was doing. Selling ecstasy pills,and lsd, all over the state of Texas, after having them FedEx-ed from California and selling them at the home where the boys lived with him, across the street from my son’s elementary school.

He had sent me photos bragging, and while in Texas visiting the boys, I went to the authorities with the information I had. Even so, I now know, the government is only after bigger fish. The boys father’s house was raided the day after I left there with the boys, and he was at that time not indicted. He was able to come to Florida with a court order, a document which was attached to a Divorce from a marriage which never existed. Another document based on lies, which enabled this abusive drug addict/dealer to take the kids back to the dangerous environment they had been living in.

Once again, the police knocked on my door, and took the boys. They were crying and screaming not to be taken back to their father, and were taken to a car waiting outside. That is the last time I have seen them or spoken to them. It has been over a year.

I could never begin to describe the hurt I felt at that time, my heart and soul, were ripped from my body. My babies were once again in the hands of a violent, abusive man. And I was powerless to stop it.

Did I mention that my daughters father had spent two years in prison for selling drugs? Of course that was before I met him, and I knew nothing of his past. Since then I have learned of his multiple battery charges, along with many other violations. His arrest records were over 20 pages long, and the most recent charges on this man were from August of last year…he had assaulted his girlfriend at his home where the two of them live together, WHILE had custody of my daughter. He was charged with domestic violence, assault, and false imprisonment. She later dropped the charges, and he paid an attorney to have the state do so as well. He still has custody of MY BABY GIRL to this day.

Where is the justice for the children? Do they deserve the emotional trauma brought on by all of this? Of course not. But do they deserve to have to grow up without their mommy because she did not have enough money to keep the court process going? Am I supposed to just give up and give in, knowing that I can’t fight the money theses two mens families have?

I have been struggling with this, and the children have been in the middle, for far too long. Without some one to notice or help I don’t know how I will go on, in this battle, or in life.

I have poured out my thoughts and heart and sorrow on this paper in the hopes that someone out there will pay attention to this issue and help me make it right.

And to bring attention to the children, who have never been anything but innocent, wonderful, loving children, who don’t deserve their childhood to revolve around angry adults who are acting like children.

I sit every day and wonder what my children are doing. I wonder if they cry, if the are angry, if they need a hug, and wonder if I will have the opportunity to be part of their young lives because so much time has already passed. I dream about what it might be like to be a mother to my babies again, and I also wonder if they will accept me again after so much time has passed. I feel like the tug of war has hurt them, but it has been in an effort to protect them and love them, keep them safe…none of which I can do from here…and it feels hopeless without the money it takes to keep the lawyers happy, and travel back to Texas, and pay bills to keep the house we need to live in, and it’s hard sometimes, a lot of times, to even get out of bed in the morning because my heart is so broken and lost.

I am grateful for the food on their table, the clothes on their backs, and I pray they are safe, and alive. The world is so full of poverty and people in need, unfortunately for woman like myself, and children like mine, money is the only thing keeping me from having my babies back in my life,and away from their abusive, convicted felon fathers.

The case which the boys father was involved in, the drugs he was selling across the street from my sons elementary school, he pled guilty to possession with intent to distribute. But the accusations that I was on drugs, and was not the responsible parent got him full custody of my boys, that was in August of 2011. He pled guilty to the charges and was sentenced to five years federal probation in September 2011…and I can’t get them back from him because I don’t have the money for an attorney or to travel? What kind of justice is that for the children and myself. I told the truth and was called a liar, he lied and was praised as an honest hard working father. Now the reality of the truth is upon us,and it matters little to the Texas courts, or the rest of the world…but is the only thing on my mind, every minute of every day of my life. I’m waiting on a miracle, so I can hold my babies once again.

People tell me I’m a strong person, but the truth is I’m holding on to a dream and it’s the only thing I have left to hold on to. I feel weak, I feel lost, I feel helpless…but I want my babies to know I love them, and always have, and will NEVER GIVE UP in this fight to have them back in my arms forever.

So, if someone, anyone, out there has any help or any solutions for this heartbreaking injustice that is happening to me and to women all over the world, PLEASE, please, come forward and help us… helplessness is the worst feeling in the world besides the loneliness of not having your children with you…”

love to all, a mother’s CRY FOR HELP…